When you're 18. (I will..)

Which is hopefully when you'll get this...
you'll understand all of this.
Looking at you now, and thinking of telling you these things makes me think I'm insane. But then i remember that you grow up... Which is terrifying.

I hope i make it to when you;re 18. You know me.. I'm impatient. Which is why sometimes before christmas I end up giving you one of your presents.
I really hope i can hold out, because I think this would be a great present for your 18th birthday..
I hope in that many years, it's still a possibility to get this made into a book..
I will find a way.

Okay, enough chatter.. on to the letter.



Alice, last night you busted into our room from watching the weather and exclaimed "Mom! They said theres a cold front, and light snowfall covering the Kentucky area." First i laughed, then it hit me. You, Alice, are SO SMART.
Sometimes it scares me. You don't miss a beat. Which brings me to a touchy subject.

Your dad.

Alice, I hope by the time that you read this.. that he is a huge part of your life.
I'm not going to say anything bad about your dad, dont worry about that.

But I will say that I've scared myself with the thought of you having an absent father.
My dad hasn't been the best. I don't know what our relationship will be by the time you read this...hell, I haven't talked to my dad in over a year.

I want you to feel that safety that i never did.
That if a boy makes you feel bad, your dad will always be there to kick his butt.
I want you to feel like if you fall down and scrape your knee, that your dad will be there with a band aid. I want your dad to be at every daddy daughter dance, at your graduations, recitals, and I want you to be able to tell each other everything.

I never felt that, Alice. I've thought about my wedding, (if I ever have one, that is..)and how I will probably have uncle ray ray give me away, and share my daddy dance.
I just don't want that for you. I want you to feel that safety that I only remember feeling very breifly at about the age of 10 or younger..

I can not promise that your dad will always be around, or that he will be the best even if he os around.
But you know what I can promise, Alice?

I can promise to be a good mom. I can promise that when some asshole breaks your heart, and then tries to come back around to do it all over again, that i will be there to kick his butt.
I can promise that when you fall and scrape your knee, that I will be there with not one, but two bandaids, and neosporin.
I can promise that I will help you get ready for every dance, and get you to sports, and school.
I can promise to make you feel safe.
I can promise that I will teach you how to drive, no matter how scary that thought is..
i will read to you, I will sing you to sleep every night. EVERY night.
I will teach you how to read, how to tie your shoes, and how to do your makeup.
I will dance with you at any time.
I will paint with you.
i will let you sleep in my bed every night for eternity if you need to,
And I will hold you after every bad dream.
i will buy us a big house with a pink room for my precious angel.
I will pray with you every night.
I will make it to every parent teacher conference.
I will love and worship you eternally.


I may not be your dad too,alice, but I can sure try to be everything you need in a parent.

I love you little bird.

mom