A letter to you reguarding boys.

Alice, today I was thinking about a few things that I'd like to write in this letter.
I probably forgot all of them, except this:
Guys hurt girls feelings. All the time. Every day somewhere in the world, a girl is getting her feelings hurt.
You're probably going to have your heart broken sometime in your life.
Probably more than once. And it sucks.
I wish I could take every one of my horrible hurtful, no good, ugly expieriences and turn them into something beautiful to teach you.
I wish I could take all the mean boys that have broken my heart, remember everything i learned from them, and just make it all into one statement that would make it all easier for you.
But I cant.
I can't just tell you one thing to remember so that every relationship will be easy.
Nothing is ever just easy. If it's reaaally truly important and means a lot to you, then you'll work hard at it.
If it's meant to be, its not going to be a peice of cake.
You'll have to try every day to compromise and make someone other than yourself happy.

So far, I haven't found someone that agrees that love and mutual respect is important, and until I find someone that I feel treats us the way that we treat them, then I'm not settling.

Boys suck, Alice.
Relationships never work out for me. i don't really know why..
But guys only think about one thing. And it's not love.
Don't ever confuse what feels good with what feels right.
Don't ever confuse the way a boy looks at you because he loves you with the look he gives you when he has terrible intentions.

What i hope for you, Alice, is that you grow up a happy girl. That if you do have your heart broken, that you share everything with me so that i can be there 100% for you.
I hope for you, that a sweet boy raised by a good family sees you when you're at a good point in your life, and just knows it in his heart that you are the one for him. I hope that you find a love so true, and so real that when you're with him you just know that for the rest of your life you're taken care of.
I hope that when you look at him, you feel warmth in your cheeks, butterflies in your tummy, and tingles in your toes.
i hope that you have a beautiful amazing wedding, have talented, happy, healthy children, and grow old together.
I hope I can be there for every step.

I also hope Alice, that when you look back on your life, you can honestly say that you had a great mom.

That's what I really want.
Don't ever go a day without me, my little bird.
I can't breathe without you.
You are the reason I get up in the morning.

-mom.

When you're 18. (I will..)

Which is hopefully when you'll get this...
you'll understand all of this.
Looking at you now, and thinking of telling you these things makes me think I'm insane. But then i remember that you grow up... Which is terrifying.

I hope i make it to when you;re 18. You know me.. I'm impatient. Which is why sometimes before christmas I end up giving you one of your presents.
I really hope i can hold out, because I think this would be a great present for your 18th birthday..
I hope in that many years, it's still a possibility to get this made into a book..
I will find a way.

Okay, enough chatter.. on to the letter.



Alice, last night you busted into our room from watching the weather and exclaimed "Mom! They said theres a cold front, and light snowfall covering the Kentucky area." First i laughed, then it hit me. You, Alice, are SO SMART.
Sometimes it scares me. You don't miss a beat. Which brings me to a touchy subject.

Your dad.

Alice, I hope by the time that you read this.. that he is a huge part of your life.
I'm not going to say anything bad about your dad, dont worry about that.

But I will say that I've scared myself with the thought of you having an absent father.
My dad hasn't been the best. I don't know what our relationship will be by the time you read this...hell, I haven't talked to my dad in over a year.

I want you to feel that safety that i never did.
That if a boy makes you feel bad, your dad will always be there to kick his butt.
I want you to feel like if you fall down and scrape your knee, that your dad will be there with a band aid. I want your dad to be at every daddy daughter dance, at your graduations, recitals, and I want you to be able to tell each other everything.

I never felt that, Alice. I've thought about my wedding, (if I ever have one, that is..)and how I will probably have uncle ray ray give me away, and share my daddy dance.
I just don't want that for you. I want you to feel that safety that I only remember feeling very breifly at about the age of 10 or younger..

I can not promise that your dad will always be around, or that he will be the best even if he os around.
But you know what I can promise, Alice?

I can promise to be a good mom. I can promise that when some asshole breaks your heart, and then tries to come back around to do it all over again, that i will be there to kick his butt.
I can promise that when you fall and scrape your knee, that I will be there with not one, but two bandaids, and neosporin.
I can promise that I will help you get ready for every dance, and get you to sports, and school.
I can promise to make you feel safe.
I can promise that I will teach you how to drive, no matter how scary that thought is..
i will read to you, I will sing you to sleep every night. EVERY night.
I will teach you how to read, how to tie your shoes, and how to do your makeup.
I will dance with you at any time.
I will paint with you.
i will let you sleep in my bed every night for eternity if you need to,
And I will hold you after every bad dream.
i will buy us a big house with a pink room for my precious angel.
I will pray with you every night.
I will make it to every parent teacher conference.
I will love and worship you eternally.


I may not be your dad too,alice, but I can sure try to be everything you need in a parent.

I love you little bird.

mom

Today, Alice..

We went to Whole Foods market, and bought ingredients for dinner.
You made funny faces at the fish for sale, and whote the numbers on the bulk granola bags by your self.
I triple dog dared you to eat a calamari ring. You decided that may be a bad idea.
I had fun with you. But I usually do. You can make anything fun, Alice. That's what I love about you. Your smile is so bright, it could light a dark room with no electricity.
Youre the best girl I know.

Alice, have you ever heard a song so powerful, so beautiful that it made you cry?
Have you ever heard a song that made you get goosebumps?
I hope you have beautiful experiences with music.
Sometimes hearing Led Zeppelin reminds me of the year i met your dad, and we fell in love.
Sometimes, if I hear a song that reminds me of another time, I can close my eyes, lean my head back, and totally feel like I was back in that time. I can feel the breeze on my skin, taste the sweet air, and smell the honeysuckles in the feild by his house.

Led Zeppelin's song tangerine was our song. I can't say I listen to it much anymore. It usually makes me sad.
I hope you grow up loving music. So far, you have excellent taste, I must say.


I want you to know, Alice... that you were created out of love. I feel it's very important that you understand that.
Your father and I were very much in love. We will always be very much in love with you, that will never change. Never.
No matter how your father and I feel about eachother by the time you read this, that summer with him was one of the most beautiful summers of my life. We enjoyed eachothers company, and spent a lot of time outside. The weather that year was beautiful. When he went on a trip to italy, he visited the Island of capri, and mommy's friend Linsey helped him pick out a ring for mommy. I am saving it for you.

Even though that ring was never used for its intended purpose,
the love it holds it still important today.

I love you Alice, and I know times change.. But what you need to understand, is that people change their minds, but the True, Deep Love we have for some very special people... never changes.

i love you little bird.

mommy

Kalightoscope

We went to Kalightoscope this weekend. It was fantastic.
If you get a chance to go, check it out. .. Besides the fact that there are 600+ places for your child to hide from you, its a neat set up.
i really enjoyed it, and so did Alice. We would probably go again.
There were about 300 different types of discounts. One being for military ID's. You get 1 free ticket. Then with a AAA card, its 5$ off of your tickets.. Therefore, it was 9$ for us to get in..total.

That was tight.

We took a lot of pictures, and Alice met santa.

so cute... She was nervous!

Love my angel.

candice.

Dear Alice. 2

So, i was just thinking that I haven't been treated very well by any guy that I've dated. And i can write you these things, because you will be much older when you get them.
Alice, I have come to the descision that i will not ever let a guy treat me the way I wouldn't want YOU to be treated.
This is going to be a difficult situation to handle.. But I think that doing this will ensure that I dont date anyone that treats me badly. I think that if someone treats me shitty, then eventually they will treat you the same way if I'm not around. ..In which case, Alice, I would kill someone.

I haven't dated anyone in a few years, and not one of the guys i did date, did I feel was worth your time, therefore not worth mine.
I hope that makes sense.

I love you Alice, and all we need is eachother.

-mom.


"all you need is love"

Dear Alice.

So, Alice.
I have decided to write to you.
I've decided that writing letters to you on here will be an easy way to keep them all in one place.
I'm thinking of printing the letters into a book when you're a little older, and giving them to you.

So here it goes.

Dear Alice,
You will be five years old in February. It's nearly Christmas, and its freezing outside. You're watching a Barbie movie and completely amazed that Barbie is in a band. When you sing, I smile because you're so beautiful.
Today I had a meeting for work. I'm on the board for fashion week. Im excited because i think it will open a lot of doors for our future. I am in hair school at Empire right now. Im doing well in school....REALLY well, for the first time ever...
Youre at little scholars, and Im trying to get you into collegiate next year. Your dad left for boot camp, and his fiance, rachel is pregnant with a baby girl named Ellsie. They will be stationed in florida... and im not sure where that leaves your relationship with him..
You are amazing. Your hair is so long and beautiful. Your imagination amazes me every day.
You're so smart. Everyone says that about their kids, but with you, its so true.
I sing you a lullaby every night since you were a tiny baby. We were still in the hospital when you heard it for the first time. I was nervous to sing it to you. I had just had you. i couldn't sleep a wink, and you were so fragile and small..

It is called Little bird. It's the lullaby that jewel's mom sang to her as a child.
I wonder sometimes if it's going to be the song that you hum to yourself without paying attention when you're older.
Maybe when you're doing the dishes, or in the shower, you'll sing it, and think of me.
Maybe you'll sing the song to your children.

I know that this letter is all over the place, and Im sorry. There is so much I want to say.
And now that I am writing this, it's making me think about your future. it is so bright.
You already have so many talents, and I cant wait to see what happens in your life. I never want anything to hurt you, or make you sad.
I love you alice. So much.

Mom.

Eye Little Pony

So there i was.


Minding my own business. When all of a sudden my eyes were shut, and I was running for the door to scream outside. I didn't want to make Alice upset when she realized she hurt me.


I had a black eye.


I had a cut in the corner of my eye.


Any I couldn't see .. or hardly open my eye at all.





I still had no idea what had hit me. I just knew I was in pain.





When I came back in, I realized what it was...

Yep. Thats the one.

Alice was swinging this little convict around in circles, and it flew out of her hand only to fly accross the room, and shank my eye mercilessly.

I called my friend, and we ended up in the E.R. all night.

But it was actually a great thing, becasue i ended up talking with her all night. We both cried, and got to know eachother more. Even though we thought we had known all there was to know.

She talked of traumatic experiences and I spoke of my brother passing away. Sometimes it's good to talk about the things that hurt us. Rather than hold them in to the point of nearly exploding.

Aaaaanyways...

they checked out my eye and decided it was just a bad ass black eye.

It was so bad ass, in fact, that my work sent me home nearly every day because they didn't want customers seeing me. People and friends in bars let me know that I looked incredibly tough.

And someone called me "black eye," which led me to believe they had called me black guy...which I thought to be really strange. Glad we got that cleared up.

Have your kids ever accidently hurt you?

Was it hilarious or not so hilarious?

How did you deal with it?

candice.